It's been a while

I haven't written in a while.  There has been some crap that hit the fan and I didn't want to sound negative or down so I thought I would wait.  See if I could write about it without a tone of anger.

Hmmmm.  I don't think that's gonna happen.

First of all, after all the love that was spread because of and for the wrestling team, my heart was broken to hear there had been some hazing among some of the players.  So DUMB!  There's a point where "boys being boys" goes too far, and if what I heard is true, it definitely went too far.  But that's not the only low point of this story.  Again, if what I hear is true, then the school district bullied these kids.  They were interviewed without the knowledge or consent of their parents, and they didn't have another adult in the room with them other than those representing the district.  We are supposed to be teaching our children that bullying (hazing, fighting, intimidating) is wrong, but then as they are being investigated they are being bullied themselves.  So unfair. 

I know that above paragraph sounds confusing - "if what I hear is true" - but I really don't have any first hand knowledge of what occurred during the supposed hazing incident, or during the supposed interrogations.  I do know that 11 boys weren't able to wrestle during the regional and state competitions.  After all the work they put into their practices and getting in shape, and they don't get the chance to compete because of stupidity.   If this becomes a criminal matter then they have ruined their lives, not just the end of their year.

I feel very confident that Alex was NEVER around during the hazing or saw any of it happen.  He was always with coaches or me.  I'm not concerned at all about that.  Thank goodness!  I guess it does  pay to be a pushy mother.  It took a lot of my time, but at least I know Alex was safe.

At the same time this was coming to light, Cali got an email from a birth mother saying she had been looking at their blog, and wanted to talk about them adopting her babies.  Yes!  Babies...she was pregnant with twin girls.  She had divorced her husband and was getting remarried when she had a fling with her ex, and got pregnant.  Both the ex-husband and new husband were OK with adopting the babies out and they liked Josh and Cali as adoptive parents, too.  The girls were due the first part of March, so this was happening fast!

In the course of a week they exchanged emails;  birth mom's name was Kali (wow!), they had called one of the girls Harley (one of Mac's neighbors name is Harley and we've always commented on what a cute name that is).  Kali had mentioned she found Cali through Josh's sisters blog, and they emailed back and forth about Josh's sisters kids as well as Mac and Quincy.... and then BAM!!! 

3 am - a phone call from a blocked number.  Cali didn't answer it.

A message was left.  "This is Kali.  My water just broke.  Your babies are coming."

Right after Josh and Cali listened to this message, Kali called back.  "I didn't just want to tell you this through a message.  I'm so excited for you right now!  We will be at ___________  hospital.  I will keep  in touch as things progress!  You will have your babies sooner than we thought!"

At 6 am, Cali received an email with pictures of 2 very cute, tiny, precious baby girls.  A message attached said, "Kali asked me to send these to you.  She is talking to a case worker right now.  She will call in a while."

Cali was so excited.  Josh wasn't convinced it was real (their caseworker had warned them that moms with twins could very easily be a scam) and yet they couldn't even get a hold of their caseworker for at least 3 more hours!  Talk about tension!!  Kali and Cali talked on the phone and cried with each other about these babies; how hard it was for Kali to give them up but how she knew Cali was the right person to have them.  Cali telling Kali that she already loved the girls and would take great care of them.

9 am.  Their caseworker gave her a list of information they would need to continue with this.  A response from Kali, but no information.  Caseworker is getting really nervous.  Cali still sure this is the real thing.  Josh won't even talk about it until there is no question if this is real or not.

10 am.   Cali asks one more time to get Kali's caseworker's info so that the 2 caseworkers can start working things out.

NOTHING.

More nothing.........

Then came an email from Kali;  "I just found out you are a fraud.  How could you hurt a mom when you are a mom yourself?  I will just find someone here to take the babies."

Hurt. 
  
       Betrayal.
          
              Anger.
                
                   Confusion.

There are no words to describe how we felt.  This is the second time our family has been part of a fraud scam involving adopting kids (first time was with Mike's brother and his wife) so you would think we would know these things happen.  I guess we just never thought it would happen to Cali and Josh.  Not after all they've been through. 

This Kali knew what she was doing.  All the warning signs that we raised she could answer simply.  Like the blocked phone number?  It was because her husband is in the armed forces and they lived on base so outgoing calls only show up as blocked.   OK. So now it sounds hokey.  But when you're in the middle of a tornado - well let's just say it was believable.

I hurt so bad watching Cali and Josh deal with another devastating blow.  And one that someone planned.  Concocted.  Acted out!  Who would do such a thing?  She read and re-read Cali's blog so she could give intimate details to snare Cali in the scheme.... 

They cried together on the phone....

She dared say that she was grateful her "little girls would have Mac and Quincy as big brothers."

That's the lowest.  Mentioning someone so treasured and loved by Cali and Josh and using their names as bait.  And then to blame Cali and call HER the fraud?!?



Cali and Josh are dealing with this well.  There is no recourse they can take to find this woman or stop her from doing it to anyone else.  They don't even know if her name is really Kali!  They have Oakland who they love to the moon and back and they have Mac and Quincy who are waiting in heaven with some REAL brothers or sisters until it is truly their time to come be with Josh and Cali in their family here on earth.

Even though this is a cruel world, we are children of a God who loves us immensely and knows the pain we feel.  No one - no matter how evil they are - can take that away from us.  They can kick us while we are down, but our Father in heaven will always be there to help us back up. 

So bring it on you stupid people!  I may not be tough, but the army on my side will whoop your butt!!

Mammogram pain

I'm now classified in the older woman category that needs to have a mammogram once a year. The secret I don't want anyone to know is I've been having mammo's for many years since I had a hysterectomy so young and have been on estrogen replacement ever since! So I guess my classification has been older woman for a long time.

Mammos aren't as bad as you hear; sure they manipulate your body into positions it's not supposed to go into. Sure they squish your unmentionables to smithereens. Sure there's the fear of something being wrong. But really, they're not that big of a deal! But today's mammo seemed worse than the others.

I usually go to Alta View. It's close by so I can just run up the street and voila! Squish-a-roni! But last year I had to have some cysts aspirated so now they ask me to go to the new IMC in Murray, otherwise known as the Taj Mahal. That way if there are any concerns or any more cysts that need to be taken care of I'm just a few hallways away from getting it taken care of. The mammography center is in a different building than where I had the cysts removed. Same hospital, just around the corner.

Today I went to the Women's Center. Same Women's Center that Mac was born in. That's where the pain began.

Mike and I have mentioned that just driving by the hospital on the freeway makes our stomachs churn. I've noticed I don't look that direction while going past. Silly I know, but it helps not to look. But today I not only looked at it, I was there.

THE parking lot. Have you noticed that when you go to the same place multiple times (church, store) you kind of park in the same area? We did that 3 years ago. Always went past the parking attendant and turned left. Parked in the second row. That was me and Cali when we first arrived. That was me and Mike over the next few days as we came to be with Josh and Cali. It will never be me again. Today I turned into a different entrance and didn't even go near the parking attendant. (Like it's his fault.)

THE entrance. No way to avoid this. I have to go in. Straight ahead are the elevators. To the left is labor and delivery. I go toward the elevators, just like Cali and I did. I didn't even glance at labor and delivery. No need to. I'm not going there - we didn't go there 2 1/2 years ago either. No, I don't remember which elevator Cali and I went into, but getting off the elevator was the same view as a few years ago; a glassed wall overlooking the entrance. You have to turn right out of the elevators to get anywhere on that floor. I took a deep breath. I almost didn't get out. When I did my eyes darted quickly to the waiting room where the worst day of my life unfurled. It's an average enough waiting room....

I remember Cali mentioning how quiet Mac had been all morning.

I remember mentioning it was probably because he was getting so big and there wasn't a lot of room for him to move.

I remember Cali allowing me to go back into the ultrasound room with her.

I remember the nurse, the silent nurse, as she moved the ultrasound wand back and forth over Cali's stomach.

I remember her leaving the room.

I remember the panic Cali felt. I remember the prayer in my head, the thought that there could NOT be anything wrong. It was his due date! Nothing could go wrong this close to the end.

I remember a doctor coming in the room.

I'll never forget his words, "I'm sorry," being drowned out by Cali wailing "NO!"




I remember suddenly being in a different room. Cali rocking softly on the bed holding her stomach. Me not knowing what to say, what to do, how to act.

I remember calling Josh.

"Josh. Is there someone there with you?"
"Yes. Why?"
"I want to talk to them for a minute."
"Why?"
"Josh, you need to come very quickly to the hospital. There is something wrong."
"Haha. Let me talk to Cali."
"No Josh. You can't talk to her right now. Please just come to the hospital."
"This isn't funny. Why can't I talk to Cali? Are we going to have a baby today?!"
"Josh. Let me talk to whoever is there with you."

Silence.

"Just let me talk to Cali."
"Joshua .... Mac has died. Please get here to the hospital as soon as you can."

More silence.

"OK."



I remember calling Mike. Or at least trying to call Mike. I couldn't get him to answer his phone. I kept trying and trying. When I couldn't get him I called Josh's mom. I figured he would need her there. Don't we always need our mommy's? Maybe it was me that needed her. I love that woman dearly, and am so grateful for the strength I felt from their family.

I tried Mike again. No answer.

I had to call someone. I called my brother. Of course I'm crying while on the phone so when I said, "Mac died," he at first thought I said the cat died and he couldn't figure out why I was so upset. When I finally was able to talk again all he said is, "I will be right there." That's what I needed. Someone there. I was supposed to be holding Cali up, but I was falling myself. How could I possible be strong when the world was tipped upside down and my body was jello?

I tried Mike again. No answer. I must have sighed, or even sworn. Who knows but Cali looked at me and said, very casually like we were discussing what to have for lunch, "Remember dad had a doctors appointment this morning." Ha. No, I didn't remember that, and what an odd thing for Cali to think of when she's got so much going on in her mind, her heart, her body. I called the doctor's office to find out he had just left. I gave him time to get to work, since I knew he wouldn't hear his phone while driving the motorcycle, and when I told him he got right back on the bike and drove 100 mph to get to the hospital.

I think Josh got there first. Then Mike, Diane and then Shaun.

I'll never forget the next few days. The selflessness Cali and Josh showed to others around them as they helped others through their grief while they dealt with their own pain. That beautiful baby who meant so much to so many people who never got the chance to meet him. The sweet acts of kindness and service. The pictures. The joy. The misery. The spirit.... It was so strong around this little family that you were engulfed the minute you walked into the room. So was the pain.



I hate mammograms.