Wednesday, August 27, 2008
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAC!!
If you're not interested in reading a long blog, I'll warn you now! This may take a while!
It was 2 months ago today that we finally got to meet Mac. Two months ago and a little boy's death changed all of our lives. It's a day I will never forget. So many emotions; excited, scared, happy, heartbroken, love, anger, confusion. Not to compare what we went through with what Christ did by any means, but it does help me understand how He could have felt all of our pains, trials, and happiness's in the Garden, because in such a short time those feelings rushed through me.
One thing I have been so grateful for is how well we got to know Mac before he was born. He was quite the character!! Even at his debut with his first ultrasound, he let us know, "Hello! I'm a boy!! So stop calling me it!" He was Mac from that day forward. He let me sing to him, much to his mother's dismay. I read to him. Alex would give him zerbuts (where you blow on someones skin and make a crude noise) and Mac would "run" to the other side of the womb. He hated those! He loved to play 'poke-a-boo' - that's the in-utero version of peek-a-boo and you play it by poking Cali's tummy, and Mac would always poke back!! Cali said he would even follow the water in the shower; if she was facing the water her stomach would stick straight out, and if her back was to the water, well, he would try to get there, too! Side to side, it didn't matter, he loved the shower! He was a mover and a shaker. I used to joke that he was going to be born my size and hyperactive and I didn't know if I would be able to handle him!! How I wish I could have had the chance to try.
I went to visit Mac tonight. I love going to the cemetery. I know to some of you that sounds morbid, but I feel such a comfort and a peace when I'm there. I know he's not there - at least not all the time. But it's still so peaceful, and quiet that it's nice to go there to get away from the noise of life and contemplate .... well, life. I always leave there with the desire to be better. A better daughter, a better wife, a better mother, neighbor, friend, and even a better stranger. How much greater would the world be if we treated each other 'better?'
Anyway, I de-shroomed him first of all - meaning I picked all the little mushrooms from around his grave. Those mushrooms are a bother to Cali. But I like them. No, I don't take them home and eat them! I mean, I like that they're there. I joke that it's Mac's way of saying hi, because he was a little mushroom head when he was born. So, I like seeing them. I never thought I'd say this, but those mushrooms make me smile! I didn't throw them away like I usually do, instead I left them in a pile by his little marker. I did that to bug Lou!! I arranged the flowers I brought, then just sat and cried. I cried for Mac because he hasn't had the chance to be raised by his great parents, even though I know he will be. I cry for Josh and Cali because they have to wait to raise him, and that breaks my heart. I cry for me. I was going to be the best darn grandma there ever was!! We were going to be buddies, pals, snuggle partners. I was going to teach him how to love being messy, but then teach him how to clean up. I was going to give him ice cream, just to see him pull 'the cold face'. I was going to dance with him, sing with him, laugh with him and cry with him. I was going to teach him how to ride a bike, how to read, and how to treat a lady. I was even going to enjoy the poopy diapers!
There is one thing I can still do even though he's not here. I can love him, and, oh, I love him soooo much it hurts. I am grateful for my knowledge of where he is and who he's with. Since I can't be his babysitter, I am glad that I know he's being watched by a loving Heavenly Father and a big brother who is also MY Father and brother. I'm grateful for the Holy Ghost and the comfort he lends me when I need it most. I'm grateful that there are times the veil is thin and I can feel Mac's spirit beside me, laughing with me (or at me!), and reminding me to be better!
After I sat and cried, I walked around and said hi to all of Mac's little friends. There were a lot of flowers around tonight. (I asked Mac why, but he didn't answer!) I said hi to Maverik and commented on the 'bling' his parents left for him. I walked up to Tonya - with a few flowers I stole from the little garden there - and said 'hey'. (She's the sister of one of my best friends who also happens to be my sister-in-law!) I looked for Collin and ? - I forgot his twin's name!- but I said hi to them. (I know their grandma and I taught their cousin). Then went back to Mac. Trimmed around his nameplate, took a couple pictures (Thankfully TJ helped me put them with this post) then sang our song; Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-dink. Skin-a-ma-rinky-doo. I LOVE YOU!! I love you in the morning and in the afternoon. I love you in the evening underneath the moon. Oh! Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-dink. Skin-a-ma-rinky-doo. I LOVE YOU!!
*kiss* Good night, Big Mac!
It was 2 months ago today that we finally got to meet Mac. Two months ago and a little boy's death changed all of our lives. It's a day I will never forget. So many emotions; excited, scared, happy, heartbroken, love, anger, confusion. Not to compare what we went through with what Christ did by any means, but it does help me understand how He could have felt all of our pains, trials, and happiness's in the Garden, because in such a short time those feelings rushed through me.
One thing I have been so grateful for is how well we got to know Mac before he was born. He was quite the character!! Even at his debut with his first ultrasound, he let us know, "Hello! I'm a boy!! So stop calling me it!" He was Mac from that day forward. He let me sing to him, much to his mother's dismay. I read to him. Alex would give him zerbuts (where you blow on someones skin and make a crude noise) and Mac would "run" to the other side of the womb. He hated those! He loved to play 'poke-a-boo' - that's the in-utero version of peek-a-boo and you play it by poking Cali's tummy, and Mac would always poke back!! Cali said he would even follow the water in the shower; if she was facing the water her stomach would stick straight out, and if her back was to the water, well, he would try to get there, too! Side to side, it didn't matter, he loved the shower! He was a mover and a shaker. I used to joke that he was going to be born my size and hyperactive and I didn't know if I would be able to handle him!! How I wish I could have had the chance to try.
I went to visit Mac tonight. I love going to the cemetery. I know to some of you that sounds morbid, but I feel such a comfort and a peace when I'm there. I know he's not there - at least not all the time. But it's still so peaceful, and quiet that it's nice to go there to get away from the noise of life and contemplate .... well, life. I always leave there with the desire to be better. A better daughter, a better wife, a better mother, neighbor, friend, and even a better stranger. How much greater would the world be if we treated each other 'better?'
Anyway, I de-shroomed him first of all - meaning I picked all the little mushrooms from around his grave. Those mushrooms are a bother to Cali. But I like them. No, I don't take them home and eat them! I mean, I like that they're there. I joke that it's Mac's way of saying hi, because he was a little mushroom head when he was born. So, I like seeing them. I never thought I'd say this, but those mushrooms make me smile! I didn't throw them away like I usually do, instead I left them in a pile by his little marker. I did that to bug Lou!! I arranged the flowers I brought, then just sat and cried. I cried for Mac because he hasn't had the chance to be raised by his great parents, even though I know he will be. I cry for Josh and Cali because they have to wait to raise him, and that breaks my heart. I cry for me. I was going to be the best darn grandma there ever was!! We were going to be buddies, pals, snuggle partners. I was going to teach him how to love being messy, but then teach him how to clean up. I was going to give him ice cream, just to see him pull 'the cold face'. I was going to dance with him, sing with him, laugh with him and cry with him. I was going to teach him how to ride a bike, how to read, and how to treat a lady. I was even going to enjoy the poopy diapers!
There is one thing I can still do even though he's not here. I can love him, and, oh, I love him soooo much it hurts. I am grateful for my knowledge of where he is and who he's with. Since I can't be his babysitter, I am glad that I know he's being watched by a loving Heavenly Father and a big brother who is also MY Father and brother. I'm grateful for the Holy Ghost and the comfort he lends me when I need it most. I'm grateful that there are times the veil is thin and I can feel Mac's spirit beside me, laughing with me (or at me!), and reminding me to be better!
After I sat and cried, I walked around and said hi to all of Mac's little friends. There were a lot of flowers around tonight. (I asked Mac why, but he didn't answer!) I said hi to Maverik and commented on the 'bling' his parents left for him. I walked up to Tonya - with a few flowers I stole from the little garden there - and said 'hey'. (She's the sister of one of my best friends who also happens to be my sister-in-law!) I looked for Collin and ? - I forgot his twin's name!- but I said hi to them. (I know their grandma and I taught their cousin). Then went back to Mac. Trimmed around his nameplate, took a couple pictures (Thankfully TJ helped me put them with this post) then sang our song; Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-dink. Skin-a-ma-rinky-doo. I LOVE YOU!! I love you in the morning and in the afternoon. I love you in the evening underneath the moon. Oh! Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-dink. Skin-a-ma-rinky-doo. I LOVE YOU!!
*kiss* Good night, Big Mac!
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Tag... I'm it!?!
I got tagged by TJ! The only problem is... who do I tag??
3 joys:
1. MIKE - spending time with him, looking at him, making him laugh.... he is my #1 joy!!
2. FAMILY - this isn't fair! I only get to list 3 joys and I have 4 children, as well as multiple extended family members, and a dog and a cat who all bring me great joy. So - they're all lumped together in one category. I love my family!
3. SLEEPING. What can I say, I love my sleep. But we're not talking the go-to-bed-late-wake-up-many-times-to-pee-being-kissed-by-the-cat-every-hour-having-multiple-dreams-hand-keeps-falling-asleep-and-waking-up-early-kind-of-sleep! Oh, no! I love the kind of sleep where I get to bed at a good time, cuddled up to my husband and cat (not in any particular order), perfect temperature in the room, comfy, comfy, comfy, and then not moving or being aware of anything until I wake up when my body is ready to. Now that's what I'm talking about!!
3 fears:
1. Unfortunately my biggest fear has come true; I fear losing someone close to me.
2. I don't know if it's a fear of heights, or dying, but I hate those rides / activities where you start 30 stories above ground and fall. GAG! Makes me want to violently hold onto a tree just thinking about it. We went bungee jumping a long time ago, and I'll never, ever, ever, ever do something like that again!! My family can just make fun of me!! (Hence the reason I didn't do the half pipe at Seven Peaks. Sorry to have ruined your b-day Lou!)
3. I have a fear of hurting someone (anyone) that I am close to. I tend to open my mouth before my brain can stop me, and I fear that one of these days the hurt will be so bad that I won't be able to make up for it.
3 goals:
1. I want to travel!! Anywhere! OK, Idaho doesn't really count.
2. Clean my house and keep up with it.
3. Teach Alex how to read.
3 current obsessions:
1, 2 and 3. Sonic crushed ice. Yummy! Mike would probably want me to add graveyardmall.com but that's just a huge like, not an obsession.
3 random facts:
1. I have ugly feet. My fourth toe is longer than all the others.
2. I had to give up my lunch money to Esther in the 4th - 6th grades for "protection". I also had to leave school campus during recess to keep watch while her gang stole car tires. (Can I just say I hate Montana?)
3. I used to be a cheerleader in high school - and my whole family despises cheerleaders!!
I tag - oh, I never really was good at this game. Hopefully, you'll just enjoy this exciting blog.
3 joys:
1. MIKE - spending time with him, looking at him, making him laugh.... he is my #1 joy!!
2. FAMILY - this isn't fair! I only get to list 3 joys and I have 4 children, as well as multiple extended family members, and a dog and a cat who all bring me great joy. So - they're all lumped together in one category. I love my family!
3. SLEEPING. What can I say, I love my sleep. But we're not talking the go-to-bed-late-wake-up-many-times-to-pee-being-kissed-by-the-cat-every-hour-having-multiple-dreams-hand-keeps-falling-asleep-and-waking-up-early-kind-of-sleep! Oh, no! I love the kind of sleep where I get to bed at a good time, cuddled up to my husband and cat (not in any particular order), perfect temperature in the room, comfy, comfy, comfy, and then not moving or being aware of anything until I wake up when my body is ready to. Now that's what I'm talking about!!
3 fears:
1. Unfortunately my biggest fear has come true; I fear losing someone close to me.
2. I don't know if it's a fear of heights, or dying, but I hate those rides / activities where you start 30 stories above ground and fall. GAG! Makes me want to violently hold onto a tree just thinking about it. We went bungee jumping a long time ago, and I'll never, ever, ever, ever do something like that again!! My family can just make fun of me!! (Hence the reason I didn't do the half pipe at Seven Peaks. Sorry to have ruined your b-day Lou!)
3. I have a fear of hurting someone (anyone) that I am close to. I tend to open my mouth before my brain can stop me, and I fear that one of these days the hurt will be so bad that I won't be able to make up for it.
3 goals:
1. I want to travel!! Anywhere! OK, Idaho doesn't really count.
2. Clean my house and keep up with it.
3. Teach Alex how to read.
3 current obsessions:
1, 2 and 3. Sonic crushed ice. Yummy! Mike would probably want me to add graveyardmall.com but that's just a huge like, not an obsession.
3 random facts:
1. I have ugly feet. My fourth toe is longer than all the others.
2. I had to give up my lunch money to Esther in the 4th - 6th grades for "protection". I also had to leave school campus during recess to keep watch while her gang stole car tires. (Can I just say I hate Montana?)
3. I used to be a cheerleader in high school - and my whole family despises cheerleaders!!
I tag - oh, I never really was good at this game. Hopefully, you'll just enjoy this exciting blog.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Yoo-hoo!! Al's at school!!
So, it's 1:00 in the afternoon and I've only gotten one phone call from Al's school!! And that was the teachers and nurse calling about his lunch shot. You see, Mike and I have been so excited - and scared to death - about Alex starting a new school year. Let me explain;
EXCITED; We're lucky because he has the same teacher he had last year (that we love) , with an assistant (that we adore) that he had a few years ago. Plus, since I have been in survival mode this summer, I have done nothing to further Alex's IQ score, unless they now have a section on the IQ test about watching movies or playing the Wii. He needs more structure than I was giving him. And I need to get back into the swing of things. (I guess life really does go on, Huh?) So, we're excited to get back on track.
SCARED; Well, I have certainly 'earned' the mommy of the summer award!! "Mommy, can I watch a movie?" "Sure." ...... as was said before, that was the extent of our summer. Unfortunately for everyone, I just let him watch what he wanted. I'm usually good about checking up on him, commenting every now and then about what he's watching, and certainly only allowing one movie a day, max. Not the past few months! So now Alex has some great habits that he had to have picked up from movies. Yes, the same ones I allowed him to watch, and re-watch, and watch again, because it allowed me to go to 'my happy place', which means take a nap, and not worry about where he was, when I should have been worrying about something! So..... Alex has picked up 'smoking'. And cussing. And rebelling. GREAT habits, huh? He couldn't pick up habits like cleaning the house, or saving the whales, or even raising a better mother? So, I'm waiting with baited breath for that phone call telling me that Alex was 'smoking' a pencil during reading time, or he called the librarian a bad name.
But, like I said..... 2 hours to go on his first day, and no such phone call! I think we can call this day a success!!
EXCITED; We're lucky because he has the same teacher he had last year (that we love) , with an assistant (that we adore) that he had a few years ago. Plus, since I have been in survival mode this summer, I have done nothing to further Alex's IQ score, unless they now have a section on the IQ test about watching movies or playing the Wii. He needs more structure than I was giving him. And I need to get back into the swing of things. (I guess life really does go on, Huh?) So, we're excited to get back on track.
SCARED; Well, I have certainly 'earned' the mommy of the summer award!! "Mommy, can I watch a movie?" "Sure." ...... as was said before, that was the extent of our summer. Unfortunately for everyone, I just let him watch what he wanted. I'm usually good about checking up on him, commenting every now and then about what he's watching, and certainly only allowing one movie a day, max. Not the past few months! So now Alex has some great habits that he had to have picked up from movies. Yes, the same ones I allowed him to watch, and re-watch, and watch again, because it allowed me to go to 'my happy place', which means take a nap, and not worry about where he was, when I should have been worrying about something! So..... Alex has picked up 'smoking'. And cussing. And rebelling. GREAT habits, huh? He couldn't pick up habits like cleaning the house, or saving the whales, or even raising a better mother? So, I'm waiting with baited breath for that phone call telling me that Alex was 'smoking' a pencil during reading time, or he called the librarian a bad name.
But, like I said..... 2 hours to go on his first day, and no such phone call! I think we can call this day a success!!
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Cali's birthday!
A week ago - Cali's birthday - we were able to go to Seven Peaks Water Park with the Hinckleys and celebrate one last hoorah for the summer as well as my baby girl. What a blast! The Hinckleys are fun to be around, as well as they love Alex and I got an hour without him (that sounds harsh, when it just means I wasn't constantly attached at the hip with him) and I got to play with two of the cutest boys (hi Bryson and Brock!!) and enjoy the great weather and fun companionship. The night before, we went to 'Mac's Park' as Alex calls the cemetery, and had a picnic with the Mower family for Cali's birthday. Again, beautiful weather, great company and food - who could ask for more??
Happy Birthday Cali Lou!!!
Saturday, August 16, 2008
My Playlist...
So I feel the need to explain my playlist. Why? I don't know! But bear with me...
First of all, they're supposed to play randomly so you get a new one each time you stop by. (Again, thanks to TJ). So, I'll just pick randomly to tell you about them.
OPEN ARMS by JOURNEY; The absolute best, greatest, most fantastic love song ever written! I know the lead singer is butt-ugly, but when he sings, he sings to me. And anyone that knows me knows that that's what makes a great singer. Besides, it takes me back to the days Mike and I were falling in love....
BUBBLY by COLBIE CALLIET; (I think I spelled her name right.) Cute song that says what I feel about Mike. "It starts at my toes, makes me crinkle my nose...." Besides, how could I not love a singer's name who very closely resembles 2 of my own children's names.
GRACE KELLY by MIKA; I love Mika's songs, and this is the first one I fell in love with. He just makes me happy. And after all the weight I've gained from comfort food the past few months I especially love his Big Girls song. You should check out some of his songs if you like this one.
HARD TO SAY I'M SORRY by CHICAGO; Another song that reminds me of my honey. Chicago could be considered 'our band' in a way, and this is a great love song that ends with spunk!
ABBA; I don't even know what song I have of theirs. I just love their music!! Reminds me of the good old days. (Saw Mama Mia the other day.... if you like their music, and if you go to it knowing the movie is supposed to be funny, you'll love it!!)
SHORT PEOPLE; Don't know who the artist is, but you all know how annoying those short people can be!! :)
YOU'LL BE IN MY HEART by PHIL COLLINS; This one is mine and Alex's song. The first time we took Alex to a movie at the theaters (Tarzan) he was scared to death of the dark and the loud speakers. I took him out and came into the theater very, very slowly. By the time we were sitting back down, he was holding onto my neck, staring into my eyes with our noses touching and this song came onto the movie. It was one of those 'spiritual' experiences I can't explain, but if you listen to the words and think about Alex (being a new member of our family, having Down Syndrome so he's 'different') you will hear the song in a different way.
Hope you like these songs. I'm sure we'll dd to them eventually. These were just the first ones that popped into my head! Thanks for letting me ramble!!
First of all, they're supposed to play randomly so you get a new one each time you stop by. (Again, thanks to TJ). So, I'll just pick randomly to tell you about them.
OPEN ARMS by JOURNEY; The absolute best, greatest, most fantastic love song ever written! I know the lead singer is butt-ugly, but when he sings, he sings to me. And anyone that knows me knows that that's what makes a great singer. Besides, it takes me back to the days Mike and I were falling in love....
BUBBLY by COLBIE CALLIET; (I think I spelled her name right.) Cute song that says what I feel about Mike. "It starts at my toes, makes me crinkle my nose...." Besides, how could I not love a singer's name who very closely resembles 2 of my own children's names.
GRACE KELLY by MIKA; I love Mika's songs, and this is the first one I fell in love with. He just makes me happy. And after all the weight I've gained from comfort food the past few months I especially love his Big Girls song. You should check out some of his songs if you like this one.
HARD TO SAY I'M SORRY by CHICAGO; Another song that reminds me of my honey. Chicago could be considered 'our band' in a way, and this is a great love song that ends with spunk!
ABBA; I don't even know what song I have of theirs. I just love their music!! Reminds me of the good old days. (Saw Mama Mia the other day.... if you like their music, and if you go to it knowing the movie is supposed to be funny, you'll love it!!)
SHORT PEOPLE; Don't know who the artist is, but you all know how annoying those short people can be!! :)
YOU'LL BE IN MY HEART by PHIL COLLINS; This one is mine and Alex's song. The first time we took Alex to a movie at the theaters (Tarzan) he was scared to death of the dark and the loud speakers. I took him out and came into the theater very, very slowly. By the time we were sitting back down, he was holding onto my neck, staring into my eyes with our noses touching and this song came onto the movie. It was one of those 'spiritual' experiences I can't explain, but if you listen to the words and think about Alex (being a new member of our family, having Down Syndrome so he's 'different') you will hear the song in a different way.
Hope you like these songs. I'm sure we'll dd to them eventually. These were just the first ones that popped into my head! Thanks for letting me ramble!!
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Thanks, TJ!!
Well, my darling little girl has done it again!! We wouldn't have this blog at all if it weren't for Taylor. She did all the work (with very minimal input by me) and I really appreciate it. She has so many talents... painting, drawing, singing, writing music, crocheting (which she taught herself from the internet!), and she's becoming quite the computer geek... I mean whiz! Taylor, thanks for all your help, not only with this blog, but with all you do for me!!
Friday, August 8, 2008
Thanks, TJ!
I can't thank you enough, TJ, for creating our blog (with very little help from me!!) You amaze me with all your talents and skills, and I hope you share them with as many people
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
