(sigh.)

Feelings are exploding out of me until I just want to lay down holding my children, husband and grandchildren and have a good cry. A young man from your ward died last night after being in a car accident with his family. He was only 12 years old, but in the short time I knew him he showed me that teenagers today can still be kind, caring and patient.

Him and Alex would take turns doing the different routes for the sacrament, and he ALWAYS let Alex choose, then he took the leftovers. He was the very first young man to ask if Alex could go on a fast pack route, and came to find Alex right after church to make sure he was coming.

He was in my primary class for a few months. A very quiet young man who was respectful to adults and all the boys looked up to him. I looked up to him. His parents aren't active, and aren't interested in being active, but he came to church faithfully with his grandparents every Sunday. I have always been impressed with how he showed his parents that he could respect them, but live as he knew was the right way to live. His mission here on earth was a short one, but he should be proud of his life.

I'm so sad for his grandparents who live in our ward. What a horrible experience to go through. It brings a lot of 'Mac' feelings to the surface. Their neighbor who called last night to tell us what happened also has an angel baby that died in a car accident. Having her tell me, and knowing what a sweet young man this kid is... well, let's just say the tears are a-flowin!

A lot of feelings have been gurgling inside the past few months anyway. Mother's Day, Father's Day, Josh's birthday, Mac's birthday and in the middle of all of that Memorial Day. I have wanted to blog, but not wanted to blog. Too many emotions. Too much pain. Too hard to describe. Hurt. Ache. Dull. Numb.

And even through the sorrow and pain, when I think of Mac, just like I've been thinking about K today, I am proud to know them, and even happy - elated!! - to have the memories that I do.

I will post more about our Mac celebrations later. Let a little more numb set in, so I'm not crying as hard. Then maybe I can see the screen clearly instead of through these stupid tears.