Counting my blessings...

Enough of the blues!  No more whining and complaining.  I'm gonna pull up my big girl panties and tell you some things that make me happy! 

Yup!  This little girl's Papa makes me happy, too.  Funny thing is, I had to make sure and not put her face in the pic because she was crying.  But she loves her Papa, and I love him, too and he makes me so very, very happy!

 

 

Turtles.  Why not?  They make me happy.  It's so fun to watch how the kids react to a turtle.  This turtle lives in Brandon and Taylor's front yard.  He's lived there for 40+ years!  He's survived many kids loving him and feeding him, and I hope he lasts another 40!

 

 



 Castles.  Especially castles with a porta potty in the front yard...

 

The castle and this cute pic of me and Al are actually at a dinner and dance provided by a company in Heber.  They served us turkey legs - each and every one of us, along with a buffet of salads and rolls and desserts.  They have this party every year for people with special needs and we crashed the party!  It was a lot of fun and I'm so grateful for people like this company who give people with special needs an opportunity to have fun.  Especially at a castle with a porta potty!!  Pure happiness.

 

Conveniences.  I could make a list a mile long about this.  The button on the car keys so it unlocks, locks the doors or even opens them...  can openeners... socks... make-up, make-up remover... paper towels...

 These are pictures of Taylor mowing with C and me getting ready to edge with N.  Taylor and Brandon hosted a baby shower for Cali, Josh, O and baby CR.  They did such a good job and things worked out beautifully, even though it down-poured for 2 hours right before the shower was supposed to start.  But this was us the day before sprucing up their yard.... 

...and this is Taylor holding CR, Cali and I under Taylor and Brandon's patio the night of the shower.  It was a great night, with good friends and a special occasion to celebrate!  Happiness!!

Ducks and geese.  Wheeler Farm - the fact that it's FREE! 

 

The sound the geese make when they are so happy to see us!  The sound the kids make when the geese are getting a little too close!

And the bravery of this one goose who allowed N to pet him for a good solid minute.  Until she decided to smack him on the beak.  Yeah.  Even that made me smile!

Kisses....

 ...and hugs and cuddles.  I am so blessed to be able to see my grandkids often!  And I steal all the kisses, hugs and cuddles I can!

 

 

 Come on!  Cute, old men!  How can they NOT make you happy?!  So, this isn't an old man, but he sure is pulling off the old man look in this pic.  What I want to know is, why are old men cute and old women aren't?  Don't deny it!  It's true!!

 

 Rainbows!!  And double rainbows make you giggle!

 

 Ummm...  ???

 

A went through a faze where she put on any piece of clothing she could find; hence the swimming diaper around her ankle.  And N is in the car seat, so A HAD to kiss her.  Even the random "Ummm"s make me so happy!

 Smiles.  Giggles.  Laughs.  Guffaws. 

Yup.  All on my happy list...

 And I will end this list with a beautiful sunset.  This picture doesn't do it justice, but the sun this night was blood red!  Too many wild fires about, but it made for a gorgeous evening! 

 

And last but not least, I have to thank my Heavenly Father for all of these blessings, for I know that all I have, or all I will ever receive is because of Him.  Even comfort;  when I was so down about  - well, a lot of things - I sat in church trying not to cry and just opened the Hymn book to read to calm my heart.  The book opened to hymn number 110.  I didn't know the tune so I couldn't sing it in my head, but the words were of such comfort and peace;

 

CAST THY BURDEN UPON THE LORD

Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee.  He never will suffer the righteous to fall.  He is at thy right hand.  Thy mercy, Lord, is great and far above the heavens.  Let none be made ashamed that wait upon thee.

 

 

So, look around and see the glories that we have been blessed with.  Smile.  Hug.  Pet a goose or hold a turtle.  Read a hymn.  Whatever it takes, find that happy place and hold on tight!!!

 

 

 



MAJOR RETRACTION!!!!

In the heat of my blubbering and the pity party I threw myself yesterday, I also threw Daddy Ernie and Mommy Dana under the bus.  I have changed the previous post to still address my concerns, but hopefully without sounding like I'm placing the blame on anyone.

Daddy Ernie - you were a kid and yet you took the responsibility - and continue to take responsibility -as Alex's birth father!  You are a kind, caring man and we are so lucky to have you and your family in our lives!  I'm grateful for our relationship and hope I didn't hurt your feelings too badly.  It was out of selfishness and I am so sorry.  And I also know that you pray constantly for Alex and think of him often, as he does with you and your family.  You are a great father, and we thank you for sharing Alex and the rest of the clan with us.

Mommy Dana - it's been a long time since we have seen you, but I want you to know you are always welcome to be a part of Alex's life when you are ready.  What I wrote earlier came across as rude towards you and I did not intend for it to.  I was frustrated, but that's no excuse and I am so sorry.  We pray for you always and Alex knows how amazing you are, because we tell him constantly that only an amazing person could share their little boy.  And just look at your 2 kids!  Wow!  Thank you!

I need a Fluffy, a stiff drink, or a good cry

Or maybe I need all 3!

 

 

This is a picture of a Fluffy.  Yes.  I know this is really Winnie the Pooh, but according to M his name is Fluffy.  And obviously since I'm having to hold him sitting up while taking his picture his name didn't come from the fluff and stuff inside of him.  Nope. It's because as she's falling asleep, M "fluffs" his nose with her thumb.  (That's the technical term for rubbing his nose.) 

There's only 1 Fluffy and he's M's, I don't drink, stiff or otherwise and I have had a couple of good cries lately, but sometimes you just need to scream if nothing is left!  Hence, the new post!  Instead of screaming I'm going to vent through the blog sphere.  Again.

You know, it's not even that bad of a thing.  I know of others who are living trials right now much harder than mine.  Heck, I've had much harder trials than I am going through right now.  But OOOOOO.  Sometimes being the mother of a child with special needs is so hard.  And I've been feeling that stress lately.

Right before school started I wrote his teacher an e-mail and vented;  I'm a pretty strict mom, and when I say "If you don't stop doing that I will ___________", then __________ will happen!  But this obstinate child of mine hasn't figured out that I mean business.  We set up an appointment to talk, and after she assured me that part of the problem is hormones (a 16 year old going on 3 isn't a good mix!) then she agreed with me that there is something more neurological going on.  She has seen the anger - for no good reason really - and how hard he fights that emotion.  It really is a CAN'T stop more than a DON'T WANT TO stop when he gets in that mode.  It's hard to watch.  He knows right from wrong.  He knows what is appropriate and what isn't.  And, yes, he knows how to push my buttons.  But honestly, that's not it!  I know when he (or most other children for that matter) is testing me or trying to get my attention, and this just isn't that.

I TRULY believe there is something more happening in his little body.  And I'm OK with it.  But when I talk to the doctors and I get nothing - no, worse than nothing - I get poo-pooed about it, I get so frustrated.

I e-mailed his docs just to see if there IS any actual studies done that would validate my feelings, or could help us know what else we need to do to help Alex, and in that e-mail I told a story of something that happened at school.  I'm sure I've blogged about this, but I will re-tell the story to jog the memory;  he had been off of one of his ADHD meds for 36 hours because of an insurance snafu and all of a sudden at school he zoned out.  Way out!  His teacher asked him if he was OK, to which he answered, "NO!" and ran out of the door.  It took 2 teachers and a police officer to catch him and bring him back to the class.  While his teacher calmed him, he kept saying to her, "That was so scary!"  "I was scared!"   And she said you could see the fear in his eyes.  And when he was finally calmed down a bit he looked at her and said, "I need a smoke."

For those who don't know, no one in our house smokes.  No one in our immediate family smokes.  Actually, no one in the neighborhood does, as least in Alex's line of vision.  But there are times in his life that he is obsessed - and I'm not using that word to make a statement - he truly is obsessed with smoking.  He has followed people to watch them smoke.  He will stand by an outdoor ashtray and count the cigarettes.  Once when we went camping he spent over 2 hours looking through the ashes in the fire pit because the person before us had obviously smoked and put the butts in the fire pit and you would have thought he found a pirate's treasure!  This doesn't happen all the time.  I wish I had been a bit more observant as to when he has gone through this obsession, but it's such a strong need for him that he has actually taken one of his K'nex sticks and put it in and out of his mouth like he would a cigarette.  Now this is where I got poo-pooed.  The doc says, and has said before, that he thinks Alex is just doing it to get attention.  That I need to stop making such a big deal out of it.  I think the doc thinks I'm this little Molly Mormon who doesn't want my child doing anything to embarrass me in front of all my Molly Mormon friends.  What he doesn't get - even thought I have told him this - is I HAVEN'T made a big deal out of this.  When he would smoke his K'nex I just asked him to please go outside to smoke so the house didn't stink, and then asked him to shower when he was done.  There have been times he has spent an hour on the back porch smoking!  And what other mom would let their child poke through a fire pit for 2 hours?  He's not getting extra attention from me, but these are things I would ask any family member to do in my house if they smoked.  I'm not just going to let him "smoke" and act like he's reading a book!  If he was picking his nose constantly I would at least take his hand out of his nose because it's offensive! 

But the smoking was just an example I gave about his obsessions.  He also obsesses about matches and guns.  Yeah - all great things for someone to want so badly it could kill them and /or others in the process!  What I'm really frustrated with is I'm not being taken seriously.  I feel like I'm getting a bad reputation as a complaining mother when in actuality, I could complain a whole lot more than I do!  And maybe that's what I need to do.  You know, the squeaky wheel gets the grease.  But that's not me.  I'm trying so hard to look at the positive side of things, that to complain will only highlight things that are bothersome.

OK.           I need to know some answers!  And is it too much to ask for answers without judging me?  A simple 'yes' or 'no' would suffice!

I think I'm feeling overwhelmed with this because EVERYTHING with and for Alex is a fight.  Anything I ask of him I get a negative answer.  I could ask him to play a video game - something he would do 24/7 if I let him- and I would get some sort of snide remark from him.  At church I have been kind of pushed to the side so that Mike can answer their questions...  I'M THE ONE WHO DOES EVERYTHING FOR HIM!  I'M THE ONE WHO KNOWS WHAT HE CAN AND CANNOT DO!  Sure, Mike can probably answer the questions, but I can promise he more than likely will ask my opinion first because he knows I'm the one who truly knows the answer!!!

 And then I have been filling out the forms for SSI.  OH. MY. GOSH! How many times do you have to answer the same question?  They want so many details I'm worried they are next going to ask when I last had a bowel movement!

I just wish that people could see in my heart and understand all I want is what is best for my boy.  All I want is for him to be happy, comfortable and confident.  Is that too much to ask???

Where have I been?

WOW!  It's been a while since I've blogged.  Let's try to catch up a bit...

School is out and the hot summer weather is here!  It's been 105 degrees the past few days.  Anything over 90 is too hot for me! 

But before summer we had some fun things happen at school...PROM! 

Of course, we had to start with a haircut...

 



Al and I went out to Olive Garden (thanks to a gift certificate from Ken).  Al ordered Sausage Penne and LOVED it!  The night got off to a great start!

 

 Then we met everyone at school....notice the "yellow limo" in the background?  Yup.  We went on a bus!  This group cleans up nice!

 

 Here's a picture of their group picture.  Only 11 of the kids pictured are in Al's class and the others are peer tutors.  They had a great time and I was very impressed with how the rest of the school treats his class.  A lot of people were coming up to Alex to say HI and then when he asked them to dance, they all danced.  The person saying HI, their date, and Al!  I have loved having Alex in high school.  Between him growing up and trying so hard to be a big kid and the teachers and peer tutors, I have to say that high school has been a great experience for Alex.  Next year he will be an "almost senior" (Junior - but he's stuck on the senior part), he will be on the wrestling team again (and now that we've been through a year I will feel more comfortable letting him be more involved (meaning go to some away matches), and thank goodness he will have the same teachers.  I'm so proud of him and all he's accomplished!

 

 

As you can see from the big picture at the top of our blog, we got our family pictures taken!  I am so excited to show these off!!  We had them taken by Melanie Isaac and I would suggest her to anyone that is looking for a photographer.  She did a great job capturing everyone's personality and has great pricing.

 

 

 A, Kierra, M, Colby

  O, Josh, Cali, and the balloons represent McKallister and Quincy

 

Taylor holding C, Brandon

 My baby!  He's becoming a man; he's shaving and everything!  He has to or else he has this really sparse, icky hair patch growing off his chin.  But, man, is he handsome!!!  And I have to tell you my secret about him driving.  NO!  He's not driving!!  I have told him when he's as tall as his brothers he can get his license.  When he gets his license he can get a phone.  I have it all figured out.  And I'm pretty sure I'm safe.  Thank goodness he hasn't figured out that I'm no where near as tall as his brothers!  If he ever does....well, I'm a girl.  The rules are different for girls!  BUT he mows our lawn with grandpa's riding mower!  I walk in front of him (yes, I'm dumb brave!) and he follows behind driving the mower.  He does pretty good, too!  He's only taken our 1 of our sprinklers and demolished one bird house.  Not bad!

 

We are so proud of our little gaggle of girls!

 

 

 

Oh.  My.  Beautiful!  Thank you Melanie!!!

 

And, of course once we got our pics taken, we had an addition to our family. ...

Meet CR.  He was born a few weeks before we had pictures taken, and we had met him, but birth mom had not signed adoption papers, yet.  Let me fill you in....

 

Our neighbor's daughter's friend's dad's fiancé (whew!!) was pregnant.  It wasn't a planned pregnancy and they were having troubles financially to raise the kids they already had.  They were considering adoption so they were told about Josh and Cali.  (That's really the only way to adopt anymore - word of mouth.  Even going through an agency there are just so many couples waiting and not enough babies available.)  So Cali and birth mom met one Friday evening and got along great.  When they were saying their good-byes birth mom made a comment that made Cali uncomfortable so she pushed that baby to the side.  The next day, Saturday, Cali got a text; "I am 15 and have a 5 week old baby.  Are you still looking at adopting?"  After texts and phone calls, they met Sunday evening with birth mom, her parents and birth dad.  They had been looking at their blog for the past 6 months and birth parents were just realizing they couldn't raise this baby.  They were so convinced that they wanted Cali and Josh to adopt this little girl that they brought ALL of her belongings and left her with them that night!  The plan was to meet them at the adoption agency on Monday evening for parents to sign papers.  So, they have this sweet, little girl in their home for 24 hours, they bond, they fall in love and they even had spiritual confirmation that she belonged in their family. 

 

Monday around noon, birth mom's dad called Cali and said that things were changing.  Birth dad's mom and her partner both had to give children up for different reasons, and had convinced this young couple that they could do it with their help!  It was more than heart breaking for Josh and Cali to put this baby in a car that smelled of drugs with this young couple and his mom's partner.  They got a few texts from birth mom over the next few days, but that was the end of that story.  A big affirmation of how we all have our agency, even if it's not what God planned.

 

While Cali and Josh were working through this fiasco, they got a bunch of calls from the first mom (that she met with on Friday) saying that she had given birth to a baby boy and she wanted them to have him!  Of course with the comment this birth mom had made that had made Cali uncomfortable, and then with getting and losing this little girl, their emotions and nerves were raw.  Cali texted her and told her they were sick and they would call her in a few days.  When Cali did call her she made it very clear that if birth mom wouldn't go through an agency, that they weren't able to continue.  Birth mom said that was great!  Come see him! 

 

He was premature  not sure how premature but guessing a 34 weeker) and in the NICU but they had saved a wrist band for Cali.  Cali visited him almost everyday after that, with Josh going as often as he could.  All of us grandparents even got to go see him a couple of times!

 

 Whenever Cali walked in the room and said his name, CR would turn his head towards her!  They fed him, changed him, loved him, all while he was in the NICU.  Birth mom didn't sign her rights away until the day he was released (3 weeks later) so there was still some concern that he would be theirs, but he is home with them and growing like the great man he will become!  So even though we knew about him when we got our family pictures taken, since papers hadn't been signed and Cali and Josh had already had a baby slip through their fingers, we didn't dare wait to have our pictures taken.  It just means we have to do it again real soon!!!

 Papa and I LOVE holding our little man!

 

Alex and I went on a hike recently with the Maughan family up Bell Canyon.  It was really hard for Alex but he pushed through it!  Every once in a while he would rub his hips and say, "Yup.  They're still there."  He was real hesitant.  I don't know if he was scared of getting hurt or what, but like I said, he persevered!!

 

A is a climber and is walking all over the place now!... I think she's crazy!!  And I have NO idea where that would have come from??

 

 

 OK, OK, OK.... she may be a bit like me.

 

Remember N's hairdo?....

 

...she got a big girl's haircut and looks soooo good!  We loved the wild look, but she looks like a 2 year old now!  AND...

 

 ...she's crawling!!  It's a little unorthodox, and this video was actually taken when she first started crawling but it's so cute I couldn't resist sharing.  I will put a more recent video of her crawling soon.  She's really improved!  But this is so cute!!!

 

So.  Life is good.  Life is busy.  Life is grand!  And I'm the luckiest lady in the world!!!

 

My Sneaky Boy

Every other Sunday all the kids come over here for dinner.  Today as Brandon and TJ pulled up, Alex saw them and thought they didn't see him, so he hid...

 

 ...but obviously not very well.

 

Then, just to make sure they didn't see him...

...he snuck a peek to see if they realized he was gone, yet. 

 

And, yes.  Those are Cookie Monster pants he is wearing.  It's Sunday - my kids have always come home and put pj bottoms on as soon as they get home.  My girls even kept their skirts on but put pj bottoms on.  We are a stylin' family!

 

So next time you're in the neighborhood, look out because Alex might be hiding from you!

What's up?

 

First of all, Baby C is growing up too fast!  She just passed her 2 month birthday! Where does the time go?  She's getting strong and showing her personality.  She seems to favor her dad, Papa and Alex.  She's got good taste!

 

 

As you can see, A and N can't get enough of her....

 ...we do have to watch them to make sure they don't love her too hard!  N especially.  She will just grab C, not realizing she's scratching her or pulling on her.

 

 

I've gone through a very klutzy phase lately.  

 Yes, that's my ankle.  No, it's not supposed to look like that! 

 

 I have to stand on the one bed to open the curtains - a hazard of being short - and this one day the kids had pulled the blankets off the bed onto the floor to make a hut.  When I stepped down on the blankets I also stepped on a ball.  My foot rolled and I was down!  I sat there for about 5 minutes with thoughts going through my head; "I could have M go get my dad to take me to the hospital.  No, I could have her just get the phone.  But TJ isn't working this morning.  I guess I could ask Jill to watch the kids no matter who took me to have this checked."  I just knew I had to have broken it!  Then I thought, "Well, dummy.  Stand up and see if you can walk on it before you call anyone."

 

I was fine.  Just a good sprain and a pretty bruise.  I wore one of Mike's ankle braces for a few days, more to remind myself to be careful than anything else, and it was fine.  But I have an emergency plan all figured out in my head for next time I do something that stupid.

 

 

Yes, that's my van.  No, it's not supposed to look like that!

 

I take Al to school every morning and when I leave I turn onto State Street going north.  The truck in front of me started to go because there wasn't any traffic, I looked and saw there was plenty of room for me so I started to go, too.  But the truck had stopped.  I don't know why.  He just did.  Not one scratch, bump or bruise to his truck, but my van had over $3,000 worth of damage.  Talk about doing something stupid!  And then 2 days later, someone rear-ended me in the exact same spot pulling onto State Street!!!  I didn't go and stop, I was just slowly eeking out to see past the cars that were turning, and the lady behind me was just going faster than I was.  I think she was texting.  Anyway, this time no harm, no foul!  Whoo!!

 

This wasn't because of anything stupid.  I had my sinus' cleaned out, adjusted and fixed.  I had Cali add a moustache to the bandage because I felt it needed some décor.  The surgery lasted a couple hours and I haven't had any trouble with my sinus' since!!  AND I've only had one headache since the surgery and it was a mild one. 

 

 I've always had my share of headaches and once in a while I would get a migraine bad enough that I had to sleep it off, but I was starting to get them so bad that I had to go to the emergency room just to get some relief.  I'm really hoping this surgery will stop that!



Remember a few posts back I said I was getting my house redecorated by one year olds?  Well, one of those kiddos - I won't mention any names Miss A - has decided that N can handle all the messes on the floor so she needed to start climbing on things to get the decor at a higher level.  She's not walking yet, even though she can.  It's just faster to crawl or walk on her knees.  But any obstacle in her way, she climbs.

 

It's a darn good thing she's cute! 

 

 

This is just a little genius idea I had a few years ago....

...you take an inflatable pool you can buy at Wally World, add air and a few toys... put an umbrella up or put it in the shade for comfort...

 



...and let the kids have fun while you do yard work or do the dishes.  The kids that are big enough to climb in and out are old enough you don't have to worry about, but those that would either eat dog poop or crawl into the road, this has saved my sanity and their lives!!  And it's tall enough that even A can't climb out of it.  It's big enough that they have plenty of room to crawl around, and they can see what everyone else is doing, yet they are contained!  Genius, pure genius.  Plus, it doubles as a pool when the weather gets hot!

 

Al is still doing really well in school  His class will be going as a group to Prom soon, and I will definitely post pictures and any funnies that happen. 

 

He keeps reminding us how tall he is and that his foot can reach the gas and brake pedal in the car, but we have told him he can't drive until he's as tall as his brother (who is 6'2")  and that's NEVER gonna happen!  Again, pure genius!

 

Mike got a new job!  He loved the people he worked with at his old job, but the way it was managed was ridiculous!  Not any business sense there at that company.  So, after looking and talking to a whole bunch of people he started last week as a cemetery director!!  Yup!  He's the guy you go to to buy your coffin and burial plot. 

 

We've come up with, and heard quite a few 'dead' jokes since he got this job.  But he's so much happier.  Knowing that he's helping people is a huge plus, but the others that work there are all great people and he's already been a recipient of some positive reinforcement (gift card!) - something he hasn't seen in a long time!!  I'm very proud of him and even though it's kinda scary working for commission, I feel very confident this is the direction he should be going.  And so does he.  That's always a bonus!

 

I will definitely keep in touch with Prom pics.  But I'm hoping to be spending my time outside with the girls enjoying the nice weather so I might go a bit longer between posts than I used to do. 

 

Spring has finally sprung!



Just checking in...

I just wanted to say HI and let you all know we are good and fine   Just busy.  Between babysitting during the day, doing home visits at night (special needs kids ages birth to 3) and Mike being in the Stake presidency, our life is full.  But good!

Colby and Kierra and M & A just put a cement slab down in their backyard to put a hot tub in.

Cali and Josh and O are still anxiously waiting for a baby to come their way via adoption.

Taylor and Brandon and C are getting into the swing of things with a new baby in the house. 

Mike, Alex and I are glad that spring has sprung and hope it stays!! 

I will write more later.  I usually write when all the kids are slddping, but lately A has decided she doesn't like to sleep.  I just might have to do a late night post!  Lots to tell...